Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

iMULLAH Touch

Coming out of his “official” house given to him by the lovely Government right next to the very Mosque he chairs, Molvi sahab gathers all the phlegm he can and spits it on the side walk because apparently the quote of cleanliness completing half the faith is only valid inside the mosque making every area outside void of any Shariah clauses. After delving into the holy ritual of spitting, molvi sahab gawks at the female population passing by and as an immediate response to an external stimulus i.e. a female life form, a reflex action magically happens making molvi sahab reach for his crotch and scratch it like he’s about to win the lottery. Subsequently as expected he blames Satan for everything that is happening right before his eyes…

“Kia zamana agaya hei, humara eeman kamzor hogaya hei, aurat zaat ko dekho, kia kia kartee rehtee hein”

Surprisingly enough, he doesn’t think that scratching his crotch in public like a gazillion mosquitoes rammed in from somewhere is anywhere near as sinful as a lady driving. But oh well, such is life from the mullah’s eyes….Refreshing. The kids in the madrassah start to gather around molvi sahab (half of the kid population being his own, ten wives just had to leave their impact no? ) and he starts to tell them the values of “life”. Coming from someone who doesn’t know the repercussions of letting out his bodily toxins/fluids in public which can cause serious health hazards, the kids are NOT in good hands at all, but then again he’s their father and it is his right *yawn*..

After the call for prayers is made, molvi sahab returns to his house and freshens up, takes out his itr bottle and religiously pours it all over him so that he can smell like he means faith-y business. It is Friday and he has to give a sermon, molvi sahab knows exactly what he’s going to say, he’s going to rant about “Amreeka” and then call them “Jaahil” and read a few verses and then sway to the sound of his echoes and look at all the people sitting in the front rows listening to him. It’s all chalked out..

“Everyone is requested to switch their mobile foons off, my fellow Muslimeen, Amreeka is bad, amreeka thinks they are god, but there is only one god, so amreeka is blasphemy, amreeka is monogamy and polygamy, and amreeka is pathology. Amreeka is the reason the world is such a bad place because what we do is way less than what they do, we kill ourselves, they kill us, we have the right to kill ourselves, they have the right not to, amreeka is kaafir, amreeka is jaahil, and everything made by amreeka is to be boycotted effective immediately”..

“Phone rings”…

“YEH KIS JAAHIL KA PHONE HEI?”..

And a kid in the front row screams “BABA AAP KA IFOON HEI”…

*shakes head*…

Originally posted at HABLOID

Youtube and Flickr- Need lube and a kick-er?

Life restricted? Everyone committed? details omitted and every fucked up thought in the world remitted. Welcome to Pakistan. Welcome to the land of the free and green. Welcome to the den of the Holy. Welcome to the Mecca of corruption and welcome to a place where you’re an asshole and the Government is holy and doing stuff like this will stop the Zionists from ruining our life. SOS ZAID HAMID YOU WERE RIGHT… fucking hell.. *shoots himself*

Ramadan 2009

Ramadan seems to be coming along fine in the capital with men and women spending the day staying hungry, waiting patiently for the time the sun sets down so they can chow down the unhealthy delicacies waiting for them on their dining tables. The samosa and pakora manufacturers are having a great month by selling those onion, mince meat, and vegetable filled foods to all and sundry. Right next to them are the jalebi engineers, and the kachori developers. A typical marketplace, like the Melody Food Area for example, is a fun place to go minutes before iftari. All the fruit sellers are trying their best to sell all their rotting fruits so they pack up and go to the nearest mosque for the iftar. Eateries like the Melody Savor branch are thronged by people to grab a shopping bag full of their favorite pulao kabab (I personally find the act of stuffing a royal dish like a pulao in a transparent polythene bag quite disgraceful). Everyone is in a hurry to run back home before the sirens go off, and before the muezzins in every mosque in Islamabad announce the time to break the fast.

There are people, like yours truly, who enjoy wandering around right at the time of iftar. Walking down in the middle of the erstwhile busy roads at iftar time can be delightful. You can see all the policemen huddled up under trees and behind their concrete barricades with disposable plates full of the aforementioned delicacies. Yet there is always one of them standing guard, just in case a truck full of explosives with two euphoric men would happen to go by. There are also small time fruit sellers standing at street corners, and one of them was kind enough to offer me five dates for free at the time of iftar (I accepted two though, ate one and shoved the other one deep into the unforgiving bowels of my bag, probably to be eaten up by a cockroach or something).

Oh, by the way, on my way back home I noticed this new development in the Super Market. Can anyone guess what this little black mirchi means?

Image123

Anyway, the blessings of Ramadan are endless. Here are a few of them for your reading pleasure:

1) You get to have more food than you usually have.

2) You get to have more unhealthy food than you usually have.

3) You learn that food is the most important thing on the planet, and that Ramadan is all about the food.

4) You shove non-fasters behind embarrassing enclosures where they can have their happy time and have a bite or two to satiate their hunger (Poor souls! They should demand their rights).

5) Sexually active couples get to spend less time in bed together, and hence contribute in the noble cause of slowing down the population growth of this deprived nation.

6) Medications like Gaviscon and the white Milk of Magnesia have increased sales to help their consumers break down the large bubbles of gas in their intestines into smaller more manageable air packets.

7) And so on and so forth…

But seriously, without taking the ugly head of Ramadan commercialism, the political disturbances, the price hikes, and the religious complications, there are a few things about this month the make it the most important month of the year for a persons physical and mental health. Without Ramadan, the little social ills that plague our society would become something normal, and there would be no question of whether the ills being practiced are right or wrong. This the only time of the year when people abstain from things that are considered wrong, and they develop the patience and strength to do that. Ramadan is not about praying five times a day, or getting up early in the morning to eat paratha, or reciting the Qur’an, or staying hungry throughout the day… it is only about the well being of the spirit, and it is our job to learn how to keep our spirit happy and healthy during this holy month, and for every other month of the year.

It is also mainly about love and compassion, just like the compassion shown to me by that poor fruit seller standing with his cart in the corner of the street at iftar time by offering me dates with a smile on his face.

So Happy (belated) Ramadan everyone! And I hope you spend the rest of what remains of this Islamic month contemplating over the little ills inside you instead of worrying about staying hungry and thirsty.

Live from Bakra Mandii

Post made originally on December 28, 2006. Re-published :)

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This Sunday I made a trip to the “Mandi Maweshia” also known as Bakra Mandi that is being placed in H-11 this year – yes you are right the same ground where last year earthquake affectees were placed.

Bakra Mandi - A view

I don’t know if it’s large place that’s making the number of sacrificial animals lesser than every year or what … but I guess it’s enough to cater the needs of Islooittes.

Islamabad - Bakra mandi in H-11

Just step in the locality and a very familiar “Goaty smell” or as I normally say “the feeling of Bakriat” is what you’ll feel. Don’t worry move on. To be honest, this was the first time after so many years that I actually stepped inside the bakra mandi … face to face with all bakras and dunbas and gayays. So it was interesting too and incidentally I was the only girl in whole Bakra mandi at that time taking portraits of bakras aka goats and stylish “phedoos” aka sheep with utmost tries to stay as far as possible.

Few tips for newbie who may go out to look for animals just for fun with their parents, or maybe friends …. Few terms that are associated with Goats are:

Kheera: It’s the animal that is of 1.5 – 2 years old.

Donda: This animal is of 2+ age and usually have 4 teeth in front.

Choga: This is of around 4 years of age and is considered a bit older with not very good quality meat.

Please correct me if I’m wrong or any additions to this “knowledge-base”

The range of goats (sorry we didn’t asked for Bulls or camel :>) would go from 7K to 20+ for an average to a very good piece. Do take tips on your way to buying a sacrificial animal for differentiating between a healthy and sick animal … and do look thoroughly if the animal is hurt from somewhere.
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Ramadhan Mubarak

Ramadhan MubarakRamadhan moon’s been sighted in Pakistan and on 2nd we’ll have our first fast. May the month of Ramadhan brings to us Allah Almighty’s countless blessings and bounties. In faith.

Please remember us in your special prayers. And do pray for Pakistan too ~ Ramadhan commences in Pakistan the same day after years. I hope this proves to be a good sign in the bigger picture.

ps: In case you cant comprehend my post .. ramadhan = Ramzan.

Pre-XMas Fever

With many foreign missions residing in Islamabad and diplomats roaming around, Christmas feels at home in here. Just give a visit to Kohsar in F-6/3 and you’ll find yourself surrounded by merry christmas signs, red-clad Santas and interesting christmas trees.

If you’ve to select some interesting jingle bells for your home or want to give a nice xmas presnt to a friend – Kohsar’s your destination.

I even found a Santa broom hanging around ;-)

Jump to the complete post for more pics :>
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Belated Mubarakain

I believe our twin city, Rawalpindi, has a few Hindu and Sikh families. So forwarding Diwali fecilitations to our Hindu and Sikh readers, here, in India, and worldwide.

Diwali is celebrated to mark the return of Lord Rama after completing a 14-year exile in the woods. Find more on Diwali here.

Earlier, our Prime Minister has also greeted Hindus but a very sad news that I read was not letting Justice Rana Bhagwan Daas to celebrate Diwali. I hope this was not the case.

Ciao!

Keeping the Faith Alive

In the chaotic of the people shopping for Eid celebration, there are still a group of people who never forget to keep their faith by taking a short break from shopping and perform the prayer in this semi-open praying area in the Gol Market of Jinnah Super.

Image and Textual Credits to Friend Far away

Ramadan Time Table

Here’s a copy of the time table giving the Sehri and Iftar Timings for Islamabad as seen in The Daily Jang on Friday, September 14 2007.

Wishing everybody a wonderful Ramadan ul Mubarak. May the Almighty allow us to understand the true spirit of fasting and give us the fortitude to offer supplications as they are meant to. I pray that the blessings of the Almighty Allah stay with us all, allowing us to be thankful for all that has been granted to us and giving us some peace in the chaotic routines of our lives. Ameen.

http://islamabad.metblogs.com/archives/images/2007/09/Ramadan%20Timetable%202007-thumb.jpg

Arrival of Ramadhan – Marhaba :-)

So if you are here to STAY … and not want to leave so soon ;-) Wishing a blessed and fruitful month of Ramadhan to Muslims all around the globe from the IMB team.

See if you catch site of Moon today :-)

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